Deeroo's portfolio

My opinion:

Personally, I find this story and endearing and sweet. Probably because I'm female, but it's fun to read stories about people being comfortable with themselves enough to be comfortable with someone else. Since I'm engaged, I think it's cute to see others truly interested in someone of the opposite sex without having well, the physical part of relationship the only thing on their mind. Although it's a bit of a let down at the end, it has a great build up. Kinda makes you feel sorry for the guy though, sucks to put so much time into something (even hobbies) to have it basically thrown back in your face. I've had it happen to me though, so I can relate. It's a tough thing to go through but everyone survives in the end. More fish in the sea, I say!

Overall view with no bias:

Nice Title, very fitting.

I love the similes used through the whole thing. I also love how the story carries you through a lengthy period of time without losing any momentum. Overall I think it was well written and a perfect example of a mellow dramatic drama without much talking. Very straight to the point, and you can tell what the writer is trying to express.

Grade: A+

Tino's Porfolio

My opinion:

This actually makes me want to watch a hockey game and I hate hockey. Haha.

It's a pretty cool story, I've always been a sucker for those "Remember the Titans"-esqe movies. I don't know, I guess I just enjoy "horrible" or teams "down on their luck" rising to a victory that none thought they could conquer. I think it's a pretty cool idea, eh? Oh, and I actually got a bit cold reading it. Weird~

Overall view with no bias:

This story keeps you interested, with all the details and scene creation, you can picture the action on the ice. A bit lacking in the second half, but I still managed to stay interested with the details. I noticed a few reiterations that should change like the use of "longest of my life." It could be replaced with a few other things instead like "The third period felt like it a never ending battle of opposing powers" or something war-like. When sports are compared to war, I find it gives it a little it extra detail. Overall though, it was well-written.

Grade: B+ to an A-

Sara Jane's Portfolio

My opinion:

Soccer, ah the glory days of soccer. I chose this story purely for the interest in soccer (Namely why the hell St. Pete was so good, I found out why.. lol) I'd recommend taking a look at my remix of your narrative. I added quite a bit to give it length and more detail. I kept the core of your story, but I think overall my changes to it were pretty complementing to your work. The last paragraph was a little choked up, could have used more detail to fluff it. Fluff isn't a bad thing in all cases. Research papers? Can be. Narratives? Nah, it's actually a good thing.

Overall view with no bias:

Could be longer, more detail, but it's a very simple and straight to the point story. I'd love to see a little more interaction with you and the coach, so we'd be able to see why he really was such a douche, but you did an okay job at conveying that. A little more about the JV team and varsity team, I'm sure people would love to know the types of personalities you were playing with. Maybe a flashback to a favorite game against a rival team? Or even a friend from club? (I'm sure you ran into a few)

Grade: B