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Ian's Remix to the Remix

Page history last edited by PBworks 16 years, 4 months ago

When I was a teenager my parents had a lot of friends that have been to America many times and would tell me riveting stories about their visits. Thanks by in large to these accounts of there visits I was dreaming of one day going to America. My parents, however never wanted me to come here, due to the unsettling stories about how elderly Americans were mistreated by there own families.

 

Before my journey accross the great ocean, I heard some shocking stories about how some parents would let their children drop out of school so they could get a job or how other parents would send their children off to college right after high school. Its like the parents didn't want them to start on their separate lives.

As the years have passed I forgot how everything has changed until one day after my move when I met a certain girl. Now, you would never have known it just by looking at her, but she'd seen some tumultuous times. She dropped out of school at 12 years of age so she could get a job to help her mother with bills. Later on in life she went back to high school, but she never graduated. For a while she lived by herself, and, one day, as most with a troubled background do, she ran into trouble with the law. When she went to court the judge told her to move back in with her mother while on probation.

The next obstacle the girl came across was a boy. Once they met they started to hang out all the time and the girl's mother saw an opportunity to get her out of the house and pressed them into moving in together before it was prudent. Subsequently, the relationship wasn't allowed to take its natural course and moved so fast that it didn't work out, but her mother kicked her out anyways despite the fact she had no where else to go.

 

The other side to this unsettling story of families in turmoil is that my friend has a sister who's a couple of years older and homeless. "Luckily" my friend's sister got pregnant and decided to give the baby up for adoption. The adoption parents got her an apartment and paid her bills. My friend had a turn of good fortune and ended up staying in this apartment with her sister. (SLOW DOWN, HERE. I LIKE THE IDEA OF NESTING A STORY WITHIN A STORY, BUT AS CHARACTERS PROLIFERATE WE NEED TO GIVE EACH NEW CHARACTER A NAME. THIS WILL SIMPLIFY THE ART OF SEQUENCING TRANSITIONS FOR THE WRITER, AND THE READER WILL THEN HAVE "HEADROOM" FOR MORE DESCRIPTION AND DETAILS)

 

When they moved into the new apartment they didn't have any furniture, so the mother told my friend that she would buy them some couches. At first it appeared that their mother had finally rendered some much needed assistance to her offspring, until the rental company showed up a few days latter. My friend, lost her couches as they were only rented by her mother for just a few short days. I'm sorry, but what the hell is that?? I have seen her mother and would never think she could do a thing like that. She seems very intelligent, lives in a house that she owns with her girlfriend and before I knew this tragic tale, I thought she cared about my friend.

 

Can somebody tell me how a parent will let their child drop out of school at 12? (GOOD DEPLOYMENT OF THE "RHETORICAL QUESTION" TROPE. YOU DIRECTLY ADDRESS YOUR READERS. MAYBE THIS WOULD BE A GOOD QUESTION TO REPEAT THROUGHOUT THE NARRATIVE. MAYBE EVEN OPEN THE NARRATIVE BY POSING THIS QUESTION?) There is no way they need that much money. This thing with the couch was crazy. Did she just think the rental company would just forget, and regardless, how could she be that cavalier with it's her own children! Have I mentioned the fact that she has a 3 bedroom house???? That is more than plenty of room for them to live together untill they can live on their own.

 

I have awlays wondered why in America there are so may retirement homes and how the people almost never take care of the old people. Apparently people can't take responsibility of family at any age!

 

Ian


Sara Jane's Remix to Ian's Remix

 

When I was a teenager my parents had a lot of friends that had been to America many times and would tell me riveting stories about their visits. Thanks by in large to these accounts of there visits I am now dreaming of one day going to America. My parents, however never wanted me to go to America, due to the unsettling stories about how elderly Americans were mistreated by there own families.

 

Before my journey accross the great ocean, I heard some shocking stories about how some parents would let their children drop out of school so they could get a job or how other parents would send their children off to college right after high school. Its like the parents didn't want them to start on their separate lives.

As the years have passed I forgot how everything had changed until one day after I met a girl that has had some trouble in her life. You would never have known it just by looking at her. She dropped out of school at 12 years of age in order to get a job and help her mother with the bills. As years went by she decided to go back to high school. Unfortunately she never graduated. For a while she lived by herself and as most with a troubled background do, she ran into trouble with the law. When she went to court the judge told her to move back in with her mother while on probation.

The next obstacle the girl came across was a boy. Once they met they started to hang out all the time and the girl's mother saw an opportunity to get her out of the house and pressed them into moving in together before it was prudent. Subsequently, the relationship wasn't allowed to take its natural course and moved so fast that it didn't work out, but her mother kicked her out anyways despite the fact she had nowhere else to go.

 

The other side to this unsettling story of families in turmoil is that my friend has a sister who's a couple of years older and homeless. "Luckily" my friend's sister got pregnant and decided to give the baby up for adoption. The adoption parents got her an apartment and paid her bills. My friend had a turn of good fortune and ended up staying in this apartment with her sister.

 

When they moved into the new apartment they didn't have any furniture, so the mother told my friend that she would buy them some couches. At first it appeared that their mother had finally rendered some much needed assistance to her offspring, until the rental company showed up a few days later. My friend, lost her couches as they were only rented by her mother for just a few short days. I'm sorry but what the hell is that?? I have seen her mother and would never think she could do a thing like that. She seems very intelligent, lives in a house that she owns with her girlfriend and before I knew this tragic tale, I thought she cared about my friend.

 

Can somebody tell me how a parent will let their child drop out of school at 12? There is no way they need that much money. This thing with the couch was crazy. Did she jusst think the rental company would just forget, and regardless, how could she be that cavalier with her own children! Have I mentioned the fact that she has a 3 bedroom house???? That is more than plenty of room for them to live together untill they can live on their own.

 

I have awlays wondered why in America there are so may retirement homes and how the people almost never take care of the old people. Apparently people can't take responsibility of family members at any age!

 

GOOD WORK IAN, AND YOURS IS A PRETTY GOOD REMIX, TOO SARAH JANE. I'M THINKING THAT THIS NARRATIVE NEEDS A FRAMING DEVCICE, THOUGH. JUST AS WE GLIMPSE SHERLOCK HOLMES THROUGH THE LENS OF WATSON'S JOURNALS, READERS TUNING INTO THIS NARRATIVE COULD GET CLOSER TO THE DRAMA IF THEY WERE BROUGHT DIRECTLY TO THE SCENE OF INITIAL SHOCK, AND FELT THE NARRATOR'S OUTRAGE "FIRST HAND." PROVIDE A SCENE/SETTING FOR THIS MOMENT OF DEPATTERNING AND AWAKENING.

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